Another day in fatsville

I watched The Biggest Loser last night and it really made me realize how fat I actually am.
Seeing the before's of the girls and seeing them now also made me realize that I don't have to hide behind my fat and I can lose weight. I just need the motivation and the strong desire. I have to realize that food is not what I need for comfort. I need to find out what the underlying problem with my food obsession is. I have to understand why I don't think I'm good enough.
On the outside, no one would see how I'm feeling...sometimes I don't think I know how I'm feeling.
I'm considered attractive, and maybe that's what the problem is. Maybe I just kept thinking I'd always be attractive, no matter how much I weigh. Well...truth is...I'm losing it, the attraction that is. I look in the mirror and I just can NOT believe I've lied to myself for so long. I'm fat, I'm really fat!! I don't even let my husband see me undressed. I'm so ashamed of how I look, but why do I still run to food?
I'm also going thru menopause, a bit early, but still....I also have Grave's Disease to which I received radioactive iodine treatment for about 6 years ago. I'm now taking thyroid meds daily to make sure I don't go hypothyroid.
But......the package on the outside looks good to everyone else...now I just have to look/feel good enough for me.